PATTERNS OF BEHAVOUR WE FALL INTO WHEN WE ARE BELIEVING OUR THINKING AND DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW LIFE WORKS
Whatever problems and symptoms my clients contact me about, they always seem to be behaving from one or more of these patterns of behaviour;
- The People Pleaser
- The Perfectionist
- Unresolved Negative Past
When you don’t understand how you create, live and express your Thoughts, then you get caught up in these negative patterns.
Do they sound familiar to you?
THE PEOPLE PLEASER
When our mind is full of negative Thoughts we often behave like the People Pleaser.
People Pleasers are generally full of self-doubt, self-blame, shame, and humiliation. They go to great lengths to get love and approval from others, but no matter how much they get, they never feel loved or good about themselves.
How many of the characteristics do you recognise below?
Characteristics of People Pleasers:
- You rarely consider your needs, wants, and desires.
- You take any criticism as fact and immediately feel bad about yourself.
- You often feel a fear of abandonment.
- You blame yourself for everything that ever goes wrong.
- You are more concerned with others’ feelings than their own.
- You have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and believe you need to “fix” the people around them.
- You learned early in life to bury your own feelings, needs and wants.
- You often confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice.
- You often feel disappointed with yourself and others when you don’t meet your own or others’ expectations.
- Often feel burdened by too much responsibility.
- You often feel that what you do is not good enough.
- You often don’t feel appreciated for what you do for people.
- You get upset or stressed that other people aren’t trying as hard as you are.
- You often obsess about what you are doing or what you should have done.
When our mind is full of negative Thoughts we often behave like the Perfectionist.
The Perfectionist likes to be in control. They are always alert to the failings, weaknesses and imperfections in themselves and others around them. They are driven to behave like this by the fear of failure and the fear of rejection and are often tense, anxious and take things too seriously.
How many of the emotions of the Perfectionist do you recognise below?
Characteristics of Perfectionist:
- Low Self esteem If you never feel “good enough” you may have feelings of being a failure.
- Guilt If you don’t feel that you have handled responsibility well you end up feeling guilty.
- Pessimism If you feel it is difficult to reach a goal then you can feel negative about any future goals.
- Depression If you have a need to be perfect in all things that you do and at the same time recognise that it is impossible to achieve goals you will be prone to depression.
- Obsessive If you need to have order, structure and extreme routine in your life you can be perceived as being obsessive and nit-picking to the people around you.
- Addictive Behaviour To stop yourself feeling like a failure and for never being “good enough” in life, do you distract yourself by turning to drugs, gambling, food, alcohol, smoking, sex, shopping and risk taking.
UNRESOLVED, PAST NEGATIVE EVENTS
When you are consciously or unconsciously reminded of a negative event in the past you will behave in a reactive way. This can often cause you to feel anxious, sad, fearful or angry.
By understanding why you are feeling these emotions and recognising that you are locked in to negative Thoughts from a past, unresolved, negative event you can choose to go down to your intuition. When you are connected to this part you will find the clarity you need to consciously choose how you wish to think and feel.
Memory is seen as an event in the past, whether this be yesterday, last year or many years ago. When we think back we are only have Thoughts about these events. You can feel distressed by Thoughts from the past because you perceive them as reality today. Understanding that the past is the past and you don’t need to be defined by it and that you are only experiencing Thoughts will allow you to decide how you want to Think today.
You do not need to define yourself by your past